Storytime: When I set my first boundary

People pleasing doesn’t just stop, it’s replaced, bit by bit. 

It’s replaced by the real you. The version of you that takes up space, knows who they are & what they want. 

I used to know someone who would love to hang out and get coffee.

At first, I thought it was fine - but then every few weeks they would message me.

Since a few weeks passed, I felt obliged to hang out with this person.

First red flag: Obligation.

This went on for months and I felt myself getting further and further away from my real self. 

I just wanted to say: “I don’t like hanging out with you” - but I was so afraid that if I say that I’d hurt their feelings.

Second red flag: Avoiding honest conversations to “keep the peace”.

What broke me out of this cycle - funny enough - was support from a coach. 

They helped me see how much suffering I was causing myself and encouraged me to set a simple & clear boundary.

I said: 

“Hi (Name), I need to get something off my chest. I don’t want to go to coffee every few weeks together. I really like when we spontaneously bump into each other, but not when we plan to catch up every few weeks. I hope you can understand & respect my need for space.” 

Third red flag (on their part): They blew up at me in response & didn’t speak to me ever again (not kidding).

Sometimes, setting a boundary with people shows their true colours because those who get angry at your boundaries are those who benefit from you having none. 

Healthy communication involves being honest about your feelings while still being respectful.

“Be clear & kind” is what I tell clients when setting boundaries.

Do you need help honing your boundaries + communication? 

Register for my FREE webinar happening next week: 

THE ART OF BOUNDARIES

Unlock the secrets to clear communication so you can build healthy + happy relationships with those who deserve your best self. 

Book in below!

https://calendly.com/mindbydesignlifecoaching/the-art-of-boundaries

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